


Four plus One equals clusterfuck

by TrollJegus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: A lot of kissing, Author loves the word clusterfuck and uses it whenever fucking possible, Fluff, Multi, Polyamory, Sexy Fish Lady Owns a Movie Company, Trans John Egbert, fight me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 06:45:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6894331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrollJegus/pseuds/TrollJegus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, Jade Harley, and a really fucking Cool Kid, kiss Karkat Vantas. And each other. And it's so much fluff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four plus One equals clusterfuck

Karkat Vantas --> Contemplate your relationship   
You would be the first to admit that your relationship was probably the absolute worst idea that any of you ever had. You would also be the last to admit that despite the chucklefuck of epic proportions that your relationship was, you would be the last person on the planet who’d want to end it. You loved them. Yes, them. Not as in you were romantically involved with someone who was gender nonbinary or agender like Aradia, you were dating multiple people, who were also dating each other, four to be exact.   
When they came to the meteor John Egbert had been dating Rose Lalonde, Jade Harley had been dating Dave Strider, and you had been in a very serious relationship with your husktop. Ok, no you weren’t actually dating your fucking husktop, in reality you were trying to get over your dear friend Terezi Pyrope, who had shut you down in such a spectacular show of subtly you were forced to wonder if all aspiring legislacerator’s were as blunt, and if so how the fuck did they ever outfox criminals. And also if you would ever be able to cool down the sick burns she had laid upon your bloodpusher.  
Needless to say, you did not see the arrival of the humans as a definitive turning point in your romantic life. You had never been so wrong in said life (and for Jegus’s sake, THAT was saying something).  
You had gone through the hellos, the hey-theres, and the complimentary fuck-yous, because, despite how much you wanted to deny it, you wanted to. You did not, however, stare at Rose’s black lips when she first spoke to you, linger your hand on John’s when he offered a handshake, reluctantly retract your arms from around Jade when she hugged you for a solid human minute, or lose the ability to coherently speak to Dave Strider, because you wanted to, in fact that was basically the last thing you wanted to do, basically ever. But you did, and just prayed that the humans couldn’t hear the pounding of your bloodpusher, or notice the candy red coloring of your cheeks, and if they did you had hoped that they would have just assumed that it was normal of all trolls to be that way. No such luck.  
It had taken about a month for the humans to corner you in the room the humans called The Kitchen, and come clean about something: They were all dating, which you replied to with “No shit, Troll-Sherlock won’t need to be called in to solve THAT mystery.” Dave had turned to the others and called you an idiot. No one had argued. It was Rose who had explained that they were all dating each other. But she couldn’t just tell you that, noooo, she had to kiss Jade, (with a lot of tongue you might add) and then John (With… oh Gog, no no no, NOT thinking about that.) and then Dave (who kissed back in… ahhh. Fuck. Calm your hormones Vantas.) And then you. You had kissed before, of course, but not with a human. You had expected their tongues to be like a tentabulge, but it wasn’t, it was so much softer, and the bumps on them were… oh Gog, they were just great, not at all like the smoothness of your tongue.   
Your knees had gone weak, your bloodpusher had sped up even faster than when you first met them, your cheeks flushed candy red, and your body instantly leaned into her, as if you were a damn damsel in distress (or rather, a damnzel… fuck,) from one of your trashier romcons. And then she stepped back, and you would have fallen if not for a pair of cool kid hands catching you by the small of your back and one of your hands. You murmured a soft incoherent phrase ranging from thank you to fuck you, before Dave Strider leant down and kissed you, his lips weren’t as soft as Roses, but he knew how to work his tongue better than her, where Rose had tried to coax your tongue into dominating, sliding gently, never demanding, Dave… Oh Gog. He demanded everything. All of the things.   
His tongue ignored yours at first, licking your teeth, and exploring your mouth as if it was moving into your speak-hole. As a certain Clown moirail would say, he ‘all up and owned’ your mouth. And you let him. If you thought you couldn’t get any more weak-kneed before you were fucking wrong, your knees had officially turned into Jello, and your bloodpusher was going to leap out of your chest, and into one of their pants, or all of their pants, who fucking knew. Dave pulled back, and you whined in protest, but you were quickly hushed as he put you atop a counter, and Jade’s lips found yours.  
She hadn’t dove into a tongue kiss immediately like the strilondes. She had just pecked your lips, then your cheek, then your shoulder. You started to bring your hands up, but she put hers atop yours and kept them pinned to the counter. Eventually you could take no more of her pecks and you whispered gently “Please, fuck, Jade, stop, just kiss me.” And she had smirked as she complied. Her tongue was even coarser than Rose or Dave’s, but she wasn’t as dominate as Dave, nor was she coaxing you into dominating her like Rose, but after teasing you so much she didn’t really need to, you shoved your tongue into her mouth and would have grinned if you had not been trying to suck her face off, when she sighed into yours. Oh Gog, did she just swoon? You ran your tongue over hers and let the kiss sweep the both of you away, before you had to come up for air, damn oxygeneaters.   
“Wow.” She looked positively dazed, and her eyes looked up to yours, almost worshipping. You hadn’t thought anyone could look at you that way, the way that Aradia looked at Sollux sometimes, as if you were her sun, the center of the solar system. You were drunk off of it, you were certain. You were drunk and you could have stared at it forever, if she hadn’t reluctantly stepped back and let John Egbert take her place. And, oh wow, John Egbert. Of all the humans John was the one you were immediately partial to. That’s not to say that you liked John more than any of the others, but… John Egbert.   
John stepped forward, and placed his hands on your hips, smiling his always-goofy smile. Damn it, your bloodpusher was going to burst at this rate. You closed your eyes and leant forward, expectedly. And kissed… a soft puppet ass. You were going to kill the fuckass. “Oh my fucking Gog, Egbert get a sense of fucking décor-“ You were interrupted by his lips replacing the puppet ass. And DAMN, his lips were soft. Admittedly not as soft as the puppet ass, but they were even softer than Rose’s, and you were trying really hard not to strip him down. It became almost unbearable when he pressed closer to you and you could feel his breasts through his God Tier Pajamas. You were about to faint when he pulled away and looked at you with glazed over eyes, before leaning in and kissing your neck, and ahhhhh~ not there! (For fucks sake Vantas, control your hormones! Again!)   
Eventually John stepped back, albeit reluctantly, and not before nipping your neck. You were utterly flabbergasted. You had to be dreaming, though it didn’t FEEL like a dream. You must have been passing over a dream bubble, where a better Karkat Vantas than you had met the kids, because in no reality did you deserve this, not after you had failed your friends in such spectacular fashion. But no, Rose had assured you that you were not passing through a dream bubble, while Jade had insisted that you had done nothing wrong in your session.   
And later, after a few nights of spending time with them, and getting used to having FOUR matesprits you had whispered –barely audible- ‘Yes’ while lying together on a bed big enough to fit all of you (compliments of Jade’s powers). You didn’t know if any of them had heard you or not, but they had all moved even closer together, and John had pressed his head into your chest, Rose had smirked, Jade had giggled and, Dave had… well Dave didn’t really do anything. 

Karkat --> Be Happy in the Present.  
And now, today, you’re sitting on a couch with Dave’s head in your lap, Rose’s on your shoulder, Jade’s arm around you, with the rest of Dave in her lap, and John sitting in between your legs on the floor, watching a romcon produced by the illustrious Dave Strider co-founder of Strider Bros INC. one of the two largest movie production companies in the new world (rivaled only by Fish and Chick… Meenah and Aranea made damn good competition.) The romcon featured a protagonist who had red feelings for two different trolls, and was seen as one of the more progressive films produced by Strider Bro’s (little did the public know that one half of the Dave/Dirk Strider team was living a much more… er… progressive lifestyle) but it had also been one of the company’s largest hits.  
And, though the human males in your clusterfuck of flushed feelings had terrible cinematic taste, you could agree that, yeah, the movie was pretty fucking perfect. And that was just a little bit less perfect than your life right now.

**Author's Note:**

> I am NOT obsessed with poly fics. I swear. Fight me.


End file.
